OMG! Girls Night!~

The names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent.

After a magical day of Science at the Ontario Science Centre (sidebar: The spy exhibit was so LAME.. I was pretty pumped to see it but it paled in comparison to the “Lizards and Snakes: ALIVE” exhibit) I found myself invited to a small gathering of sorts at a friend’s place. I knew I was going to have to drive that night so I wouldn’t be getting too crazy, I thought I’ll get a bit zooted chill and just hang out. When I arrived at my friend Michelle’s house I found myself trapped in a “Girls Night”.

Aside

I was once told that if there is only one male and multiple females in a group that the male gets cancelled out and the conversation will be turned to more feminine subjects (let me give you a run down of some of the topics that may be covered, no particular order: 1) Boys are...[hot, dumb, jerks, dicks, etc] 2) High school drama caused by boys 3) High school drama caused by other girls 3) High school (in general) 4) Female masturbation (personal favourite) 5) Careers and life goals 6) Bitching about other girls 7) Boobs and vaginas (second favourite) 8) Various stereotypical girl-talk subjects (clothes, make up, celebrity stuff, etc)

Ok back to my night.. I arrived at the establishment with another female friend of mine, Jessica, and we go to the backyard to discover that waiting back there is yet another female friend, Ashley. At this point I knew something was up and that I was in for an adventure of the mind. I’ve always wondered what females do when they get together and how they hang out in comparison to how us males hang (spoiler alert: girls are Lamesville). Anyways, I’m now sitting there with these three females as they drink and talk, nothing major yet just general chit chat. So I’m thinking “Cool, I can deal with this just hanging out here dicing it up with some ladies. Maybe I’ll gain some valuable information that I can use during the courting process”. After about an hour or so I decide to indulge in some fine smokables and relax myself. Now I’m not sure if it was the greenery or what, but after this the conversation got DEEP, and I don’t know about you guys but summer time is NOT the time for deep conversations; it’s too hot. All kinds of emotional high school experiences and rumours were being brought up. Ranging from confronting a girl and telling her you want to ‘double click her mouse’ (which is a term I’ve only heard once and it was in American Pie) to emotional scars left by former friends and boyfriends. As this was transpiring I was trying to practice the ancient Chinese art of invisibility of the third eye. The basic principle behind this is if you do not engage the recipient’s third eye, which is the eye into the soul, they will not be able to see you with their eyes of the mind. I am going to skip all the details of the conversation because frankly my mind doesn’t have the capacity to carry around reams and reams of irrelevant information. I was actually in awe that they could recall all of these events and even hear say so vividly like it didn’t happen 4-8 years ago. It is leading me to believe that females have a separate brain for storing all this information.

Let me say right now that I just cruised through high school and never looked back. When I was there I just had my metaphorical blinders on, went to and from school did my homework, played some vball and that was that. After I left I forgot ALL about it, I might have 1-3 memories from each grade, which is fine with me because I enjoy life as it’s happening. At one point during the night, in reference to the high school drama conversation, Ashley turned to me and said “You didn’t know about any of these things? I thought it was blatantly obvious in the hall ways”. Which got me thinking, although we were in the same building we were galaxies apart in high school. It’s not that you don’t care what the other people are doing, these are the kids you used to play with in elementary school. It’s beyond that, once you get to high school they are so far away from you now you barely know they exist.

Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my night, but it was more from a researcher’s perspective than anything else, like observing single cell organisms multiplying through a microscope. Which was quite fitting considering I was at the Science Centre earlier on in the day.

What should you take away from my experience? Girl teenagers are even dumber than boy teenagers. And contrary to popular belief girls do not just want to have fun, they just want to talk.

For our female readers, I suggest you take notes, a "Guys Night" consists of: 1) Beer 2) Video Games 3) Food 4) A Movie (optional)