Friday, May 08, 2009

You Bastards Had This One Coming

I see you there. You’re young and your restless and your restless and young. You drive fast because you think your Paul Walker in Fast and Furious, but your body is nowhere near as banging as his.
I can say that comfortably as a heterosexual male. The biggest problem I had with that movie was Paul Walker didn’t take his shirt off once. I guess it was to be expected I think he’s turning 44 next month. Still has a great bod though. That being said.

You think you can stay up playing video games or chatting with your girlfriends until obscene times in the morning. Like the 24 hour day system doesn’t apply to you. Like you can just sleep and rise at your convenience because you don’t have a serious job and only work two days a week and every other weekend. And you think that’s bad. In fact, you complain if your shift is more than five hours long. Ooooooo you make me so mad. You’re making me rage over here. I see you watching much music and practicing your dance moves. I see you listening to Avril Lavigne and Jonas Brothers.

You’re teenagers. And I have declared war on you. From 13 all the way to 19, don’t let me catch you, because I’ll cut you so deep you’ll wish I never cut you. I’ve never met a teenager I didn’t want to face trounce, and a face trouncing is the very last thing you want. You think its fun time happy dance every fucking day of the week and if I see one more pimply Gossip Girls afficiando in my peripheral vision I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m not a violent person by nature so I know it’s you and not me. If you’re reading this consider yourself warned. Either start acting like you got some god dang respect or I’ll strangle it outta you. I have a friend named Rusi, and I know he won't hesitate to strangle you.

Grandpa Handstyle Out
Word to all my 20 somethings trying to get fucked.