Friday, February 27, 2009

To All Your Moms

A theme?  Baaahahaha.  I threw those away a little while ago.  It used to be easy to think of a theme for blog articles.  A random adventure, a random homeless person, these provide excellent themes, or at the very least semi-entertaining topics.  But how long does a cow graze in one spot?  Not long (I hope, I don’t actually know, but everything is relative right? So if I just say ‘not long’ without giving you a concrete time frame I will always be right) Anyway I’ll warn you right now, stop reading if you expect any sort of modern flow to this article, I just woke up and I’m about to take all your mothers on the ride of their lives.  (I know some moms read this blog, and I wanna take you all out for dinner except if you’re over...iunno 50, that’s my limit, you have to be in your 40s)

Have you ever tried to look down to the core of this site?  Have the twelve of you that visit this page every day, once wondered that maybe I’m trying to get to the heart of issues?  That, my comedy is in fact a mask to exploit my readers into subscribing to my moral beliefs and values?  I had a dream I didn’t believe in Jesus and woke up in a cold sweat with a kink in my neck.  That shit is frightening, and the kink is going to bother me for the rest of the day.  Maybe I’m finally losing my mind, but that’s for me to decide not some pooforbrains psychiatrist.  I’ll outsmart any psychiatrist you throw my way, true story.

I actually have a lot of things to rant and rave about.  It’s because I’ve been studying a lot of philosophy recently and Sartre almost convinced me that I have no freedom, but luckily I was able to sidestep that trap.

I noticed this girl in one of my classes, yea she’s pretty cute.  So in class she comes my way and says she saw me walking to class.  I’m thinking, wow this girl is actually talking to me, what do I do?  Ultimate warrior sits on my shoulder and screams in my ear, “Take her as your prize, pillage her village and fill your camp with monuments praising the gods!”  I’m like wtf where did you come from and promptly flick him off.  But his replacement isn’t all that great either.  My usual guy (awkward fool), sits on my shoulder and this is his show now.  So I turn to AF (awkward fool) for advice.  Just smile at her he says.  So now I’m just smiling at her.  It seems to work though; she smiles back and offers her name.  I offer my name and AF tells me to shake her hand.  That doesn’t sound quite right but I extend my hand.  She looks like at me as if I was born in the 1950s and (reluctantly?) gives my hand a weak shake.  By this point I already feel like a failure.  And just want to go home and look for moms to date (wink to all you moms).  She sticks around however, she says she thought my comment in class was really interesting.  It’s true my comments in classes are really interesting, but I never commented anything in this particular class, and I tell her so.  She laughs, I laugh, and I stare at the floor, and she walks away without saying bye.  Was I interested in this girl?  No, there’s this other girl I know, and she says really funny things, the only problem I have with her is she is not a mom and I have some concerns about her lineage (Mexican?).  In any case just because I didn’t want to date her doesn’t mean I have to act like I’m twelve.

Hey so there you go, a theme/topic emerged somehow at the end of this post.

O the submarines are AMAZING go buy (steal) their album.