Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The Rider

I wouldn’t say I have disdain for the homeless.  It’s only when they do stupid things that I become annoyed and post the results in my world famous blog.  Hahahahaha that’s right I’ve gotten a couple of hits from Belgium and Turkey among other places.  So if you’re reading this, don’t feel too special you are just one of the 40 or so around the world.  If you haven’t started following us yet you should before we get too popular and then you won’t look as trendy.  It’s like when chucks came back, the coolest people were wearing a blazer and jeans with chucks.  I would stop and admire that person.  Now, there is a trendy person I would think.  Now when I see people wearing that same combo I take the time to frown, making my disdain evident.  Now, there is a douchebag I think.  Don’t worry chucks are still cool, I love them, but wearing them with jeans and a blazer is the easiest way to douchebag status.  Let me know if I’m out of line here.  That went well... 

So as I was saying, there are so many homeless around Toronto that you barely take notice.  Until that is, you see THE homeless person.  The king of the homeless, if you will.  The one homeless person that stands heads and shoulders over his neighbours that it would appear a special divine light shineth upon him.  The homeless person with a bicycle.  Now I’m not a bicycle enthusiast by any means, so unfortunately I cannot tell you what type of bike it was.  Basically all I know about bikes are some are mountain bikes, and some are 10 speeds.  But the type of bike really doesn’t matter.  This homeless person (let’s call him The Rider) is the most noble of the Homeless.  

This is evident when you realize that any homeless person with a bicycle is straight edge.  By straight edge I mean he is not on any drugs or an alcoholic.  If he were, he would have pawned his bike ages ago for more drugs and alcohol, he probably doesn’t even smoke.  Once you start to realize how noble The Rider is, you can start to see how important he is in the Homeless Community.  

If you don’t think there is a centralized Homeless Community with their own sub-culture and government, trends and hot spots you haven’t been under the gardener bridge in downtown Toronto.  A friend of mine once stumbled into Homeless Territory, they were guarding their land with two sentries sitting in lawn chairs, as my friend approached they noticed he was wearing a jacket from the 07/08 Columbia line (something no Homeless would be able to get a hold of) and told him to get the fuck off their property.  True story.

The Rider is probably used in the HC (Homeless Community) to send urgent messages among the Homeless Elite.

“All girls Catholic High School.  Fire alarm.  Minus five degrees.  Mini-skirts.  Come quick.”

Who knows, he may even ferry other Homeless around for a fee.  But if that was the case his job would not only be highly respected but highly coveted.  Who wouldn’t want to be The Rider?  And that’s when I realized I wasn’t looking at just any Rider, but one of the Elite Rider.  The job of The Rider is one plagued by Homeless fights.  I can only imagine all the Homeless that would try to steal and pawn the bicycle of The Rider.  The Rider would never get any sleep, always on the lookout for possible attacks.  But this Rider was sleeping!  Not only that, but he was sleeping in the middle of the day with his trusty bicycle beside him, he wasn’t even protecting it by sleeping on it somehow.  Surely this Rider is feared among the HC, and probably known for his battle ability.

It is not too often that you see a homeless person that quite possibly lives a life better than your own.  My heart goes out to the homeless man I saw only known as The Rider.  Ride... Rider...Ride.