Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My Buddy Hampton

Some people are just bigots.  We have these preconceived notions about things, and it really just limits our social interactions.  We stereotype anything and everything and then swear by them.  And in the end we label them either good or bad.  Dogs, good.  Cats, good.  Octopuses, bad.  Scorpions, bad.  Chicken dinners, good.  Poo dinners, bad.  

Listen, I’m not saying it’s all wrong but we need to seriously rethink some of our ingrained ideas.  And one of those ideas is about mosquitoes.  I was right with you guys.  Mosquitoes...bad.  I didn’t even have to think twice.  I was like, “Damn, mosquitoes let’s get the hell outta ‘ere.”  When a sentence starts with “Damn” and ends in “let’s get the hell outta ‘ere”.  The subject of that sentence is always bad.  You can’t say. “Damn, cute girls, let’s get the hell outta ‘ere”.  It just doesn’t work.  But my eyes have been opened.  I’ve been living with Hampton for three weeks now.  Hampton is my pet mosquito, and he wouldn’t hurt a fly.  When I first saw him he scared the shit outta me, because I was just coming out of the shower naked and thinking about girls I just saw on America’s Next Top Model, when then smack in my face was Hampton.  I stared at him for awhile and contemplated killing him.  I was actually going to give him the big SPLAT, but he just stared at me on the wall, so I awarded his bravery.  I could tell he was a different type of mosquito.  Hampton disappeared for a few days after that, but has been around consistently recently.  He has never tried to sting me or lay eggs in my eyes while I’m sleeping and for that I am grateful.  The other day I was in bed watching heroes on my laptop and Hampton came by and watched it with me for a bit, it was pretty cute.  Then I blew on him because he was sitting on my screen and that got annoying. He took the hint and backed off.  That’s what I like about Hampton he can take a hint.  Anytime I feel he’s in my personal space, or just anywhere I don’t want him for that matter I just give him a wave or blow air at him and he’s gone to some other corner of my room. 

Hampton doesn’t have any bullshit illnesses like westnile virus.  Hampton always wraps it up.

Hampton is a good listener, I sat down and played some acoustic tracks I had in the making for him and he didn’t fly away once.  I know mosquitoes like to fly, but Hampton just sat there till I was done.  Hampton is the best.

Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen Hampton today and I’m getting kind of worried. He is usually by my door, and I say bye to him on my way out, but I didn’t today.  I hope he didn’t take that the wrong way.  I didn’t mean anything by it I was just late for work.  Usually If I can’t find him I’ll just turn off all the lights in my room and turn on my computer.  He always shows up right on my screen when I do that.  But he hasn’t today.  I hope everything is okay Hampton the mosquito.  My mosquito...my best friend mosquito.

So people, don’t judge a book by its cover.  I hope reading this has made you question what you may think about mosquitoes.  The KKK said blacks and whites don't mix, but they were wrong so if you don't think humans and mosquitos can mix you're wrong too.  Hampton is a mosquito and he has been nothing but polite and courteous to me.  I think maybe you guys should try buying an unorthodox pet.  Like a whale.  


simply.steph said...

I think the frog, formally referred to as cmog frog, will suffice as my pet now. never need to feed it, dont have to deal with crap and it's always in one place if you need to find it. hidden there on the right side of your page. fish are stupid, you put them in hot water once BY ACCIDENT, and they go dying on you.

penelope said...

Society is like that I guess. Ideas and thoughts, good AND bad, passed down from generations to generations. Something which can't be changed just overnight.

Cakemaster said...

Pet whale would be cool. Even cooler would be a pet pygmy tarsier. If you don't know what that is, check out my blog haha
I really hate mosquitos though. Nevermind West Nile; they are always sucking mah blood and buzzin' during the summer. And that's not a stereotype, at least for me.