Thursday, November 13, 2008

Straight Bummin it Yo ( PAUSE )

Preamble:  The term PAUSE is used to defuse any homosexual connotation that may be mistakenly identified in the statement that precedes it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.....

Wait..what? Did he really just steal the title AND idea of a previous post on the very blog he is posting on!??! What kind of vile rodent scavenger would do such a thing. I’ll tell you who. A bum. Some of you may be thinking, how can I be a bum but live in a house and have mad dollas to splash on all the haters. Please do not get the term bum confused with the term homeless. The term bum has been bastardized by the media  into meaning homeless when in fact it has nothing to do with whether you have a home or not. Let me explain by revealing some rules I follow to keep up my bum status without becoming homeless:

- 9 times out of 10 I’m wearing the shirt I slept in, sweat pants and an old hooded sweater. None of which have been washed in months. But because I am not homeless, I change my underwear and socks.

- I will eat ANYTHING..I have no qualms about what nourishes my body because it all comes out the same way, amiright? I have even eaten out of the garbage and it wasn’t even hovering over the rim (word to George Costanza)... But because I am not homeless, I DO NOT eat Brussel Sprouts.

- I always keep my eyes peeled to the ground in case I find something interesting down there. Once, I couldn’t tell whether something on the ground was poo or something else (Note: when something COULD be poo, there is no alternative option except “something else”), so I actually got down and sniffed it to find out...It was something else. But because I’m not homeless I NEVER investigate something on the ground in a crowded area, I kick it off to the side first.

- I rarely shower...But because I’m not homeless, I brush my teeth everyday.

- Any change I see on the ground I pick up, even pennies.. But because I’m not homeless I only pick up pennies that are facing heads up (the lucky side), all other change is fair game though.

- I keep EVERYTHING, just in case...But because I’m not homeless I don’t bring all my stuff wherever I go.

- When I go to McDonalds (alone) I get one junior chicken and one double cheese burger (just the sandwiches) and a cup of water. This comes to about 3 bucks. But because I’m not homeless, when I am with friends I buy a drink and possibly a meal to impress them.

So to all you aspiring bums out there, learn from these simple rules to ensure you do not cross the line into homelessness. Not that there’s anything wrong with that..

9 comments:

Nat-attack said...

hahahaha. the funniest post EVA. actually the ony post that i read fully...till the last dot....good job.

Bella said...

Love that picture!!!

lara said...

haha :D funny post!

penelope said...

LOL that is so so crappy! What's with not changing your shirts and stuff?! REAL Funny though! Dont know how you managed to think of all that!

The Illest Bent Handstyle said...

It didn't take much I'm sure since it's all true

Jimena said...

you truly made me laugh out loud with this post - I'll keep all of this in mind for the future, I suspect it will come in very handy at some point.

Electro Geisha said...

good one! you made me laugh! :) i have to fwd this..

Paul said...

I masterbate in public but since I am not homeless, I use kleenex branded tissue to clean myself up after the deed is done.

Nicholas said...

lool, i totally agree!
hahahaa, i know!