How Cool Are You ?

The other day I was dicing it up with my friend Bent Handstyle and I told him that I don’t think anyone is cooler than me. I may enjoy certain things about others and compliment them on these attributes, but I would never say someone is cooler than me. Why, you may ask. Because I know that EVERYTHING I do is cool, there isn’t one thing I do that I don’t consider cool. So how could I not be the coolest person? There are things about other people that I don’t find particularly cool, even if it’s just one thing that still puts them below me. Yah feel me?

However cool you think you are, you are nowhere NEAR my coolness. Let’s just say if both our coolness’ were cities, and your city blew up, I wouldn’t even notice; let alone care. Some of you may be saying to yourselves “But Jamesforlife... I thought it wasn’t cool to talk about how cool you are, you should just BE cool.” Well this just further amplifies your ignorance on the subject and I am inclined to laugh at those of you who believe that MY coolness could decrease for any reason.

I am actually SO cool, that some scientists have deemed me the 6^th element. If you don’t know what the 5^th element is then I feel sorry for you, but I can’t hold it against you because you just aren’t as cool as me.  Everything in the world that is cool (or awesome/pimpin/sick/ill/stupid/fresh/boss/slick/ridiculous/ or whatever derivative of the world you prefer) feeds off of a small portion of my coolness, which emanates from my left hand. Why the left hand? Because my right hand is for ultimate yottaton punches* ROFL.. sorry you probably don’t know what a yottaton is. Oh well, maybe when you get on my level you’ll figure it out.

I must admit though, I do have a slight advantage over everyone else; I’ve been here already. This time period I mean. I don’t remember much of my childhood, but from what I’ve been told I spent most of my time in a place called “Jamie’s World”. This was the name given to my daydreaming state of mind. I also talked a lot about things I did “when I was older”. This leads me to believe that Jamie’s World was actually tapping into the 4^th dimension and propelling me forward in time to do the coolest shit. Unfortunately I no longer have the ability to go to Jamie’s World, it’s kind of like that movie Baby Geniuses where once they turn 2 they lost their genius. Mine just took a while longer to stop working, probably because there is so much future to explore.

So unfortunately, everything you’ve done, I did when I was 5. Everything your thinking of doing I did when I was 6; and everything you don’t even know you’re going to do yet I did when I was 7.

*WARNING: DO NOT GET IN THE WAY OF MY ULTIMATE YOTTATON PUNCH, IT HAS BEEN KNOWN TO DESTROY CITIES, IMPLODE (yes implode) MOUNTAINS, AND PUNCH PEOPLE INTO THE CENTER OF THE SUN AND TO UNIVERSES UNKNOWN.