Friday, October 03, 2008

The Truth About Yogurt

Yogurt companies are evil. The yogurt is so good, the cup is so small. And although that is a major problem I plan to address someday, it is not the only one. It is impossible to look manly while eating yogurt from a yogurt cup. It’s a ridiculous image, a big man with hulking man arms hunched over a small cup of delicious dairy (and sometimes fruit?) goodness, shoveling spoonful after spoonful into his gaping mouth. The expression can best be described as the excited grin of a toddler. However we know it doesn’t last long, it only takes what…four to six spoonfuls. The reaction after you scoop the spoon to see it come up with no yogurt is always the same: Overwhelmingly aghast with confusion.

“What!? Surely it’s not done! I’m just getting started!”

After those precious spoonfuls have gone to work and the yogurt supply is exhausted, I am left wanting more. The disappointed grimace of a six year old splashed on my young adult face. The emotion is too real and the pain is too deep. Scrapping what little scraps are left in the corner of the cup I wonder what I would give for just another spoonful, thoughts of my life savings and my stuffed Teddy come to mind. (No, not Theodore!...But then again, I haven’t used him in years…). And everyone can tell. It is not a secret. They see the empty yogurt cup on my desk and the pained expression on my face and they know I would give almost anything for another small plastic cup of yogurt.

Surely this is an evil plot of the most fiendish sort. Contact your local members of parliament.