Friday, October 24, 2008


Have you ever met anyone who is really confused?  I’m not talking about school confused.  I’m not talking about,
“Handstyle!  You gotta help me with my calculus homework its sooo hard.”

“I go by Bent in real life, The Illest Demented Handstyle is an online alias.”

“Bent!  You gotta help me with my calculus I’m super confused!”

“Eff off Scumbag, I’d rather clip my fingernails and try to peel  an orange than help you with anything.”

That is a regular amount of confusion.  This is not the level of confusion I am referring too.  I’m referring to near crazy amounts of confusion.  Like my encounter with the magical French woman.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read about here.

So are we on the same page now?  Is this level of confusion crystal clear?  Well I don’t meet confused people like that too often.  It’s a rare occurrence actually, which is why I always try to document those chance encounters.

Today I saw a very confused old woman.  Unfortunately (or very fortunately?) I didn’t get the chance to have a dialogue with this woman, which actually speaks volumes about how confused she was.  Because based solely on driving by her I was able to verify that she was about an eight on the confusion scale.  One being you’re not confused at all.  You walk into a grocery store to buy some milk.  The clerk says,

“Are you sure you want 1%.” 
You say, “Yup, ring it up boy boy.” (<--
not a typo). 
Then the clerk says, “But that’s chocolate milk!” 
And you say, “Nope, that’s the regular kind.” 

You getting the idea?  If you are a one, you are actually correcting confused people.  That is how unconfused you are.  A ten being you walk into a grocery store and ask to buy a Lamborghini wearing nothing but a loin cloth.  The clerk says,

“We don’t sell Lamborghini’s.”
You reply, “How the hell am I going to win the street race then!”
“What street race?”
“The one over the rainbow, and into next week!”
“Lamborghinis can’t fly over rainbows, and if you think you can race into next week without a flux capacitor then you’ve got another thing coming.”
I think you’re getting the gist.

So I see this woman waving furiously as I’m driving to my school situated in the hell hole known as Toronto.  I’m from Toronto so I can say that.  Any of you bitches from anywhere else talk shit about Toronto I’ll get some illegal Latino’s to shank you up in a club. (rep your ends).

It wasn’t like she was waving at someone it was a flagging action.  The motion you use to flag down a bus.  And this lady meant business, I guess she had to get somewhere important and wanted to make sure the bus stopped, because it was really overkill what she was doing and I was feeling slightly embarrassed for her.  So you can imagine my own confusion mounting when I tried to find the bus she was flagging down to no avail. 

My thought process went something like this.  Err nope….lady, that is NOT a bus.  That is an 18-wheeler truck, it will smash you to smithereens.

She was trying to flag down an 18-wheeler at a bus stop.  As the 18-wheeler got nearer and nearer of course with no inclination of stopping for her, the woman was getting visibly upset and what I suppose would be an act of desperation looked for a moment that she would step out into the street.  There really wasn't much time for me to react to that, but I do remember thinking. This could get gross.

Luckily for my sanity, and her life I suppose, she stepped back onto the sidewalk and decided that mean looks at the driver of the 18-wheeler would probably make him feel like a jerk for not stopping and picking her up.  I mean, it’s not like she was in the middle of nowhere, there WAS a bus sign.

I provided some pictures below so less imaginative people can get the full scope of her mistake.

BUS (above) 18 wheeler (below)


Anonymous said...

so from the previous post you linked up, you mentioned using an "anti-rape stance", i was just wondering if you could perhaps illustrate said stance in a future post. just so i can fully take it all in.