Monday, May 12, 2008

Just Another Day in the Hood

Careening recklessly through the dimly lit, rat-infested streets of Liberty City in my freshly stolen Ferrari, I turn the volume up and blast Waters of Nazareth and watch the speedometer climb up to 185. Under the red hot electric pulse of my stereo system I can hear the faint sound of police sirens screeching frantically behind me. They're trying to lock me up. But I've never felt more free in my life. Those pigs will never catch up to this baby. Not unless...


I should have worn a seat belt... now my brains are splattered all over the side of a Liberty City Sanitation vehicle. Have fun cleaning that mess up.
Luckily I'm actually sitting in my room 100% intact enjoying the gift from the heavens that is Grand Theft Auto 4. 
Starring Serbian immigrant Niko Bellic Grand Theft Auto 4 is as much about stealing cars and killing people and getting powerful and watching strippers as all the previous GTA games except somehow it's 1000000000 times more retardedly awesome.

Maybe it's because of the practically photo-realistic graphics, maybe it's the impeccable voice acting and sound effects, maybe the scope of the map or the overall attention to detail in every aspect of the game, maybe it's just damn fun to play and make fun of eastern european accents.
Maybe it's just a game and I should stop babbling, but I will not be silenced, and I've got a badass Jamaican dude in a helicopter, toting a rocket launcher with your name on it to back me up.