Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Whachu Kno' 'Bout it?

"Hey, blog what’s happening?"

"What’s wrong?"
"Haven’t seen you in a bit"
"O, yea, I didn’t even notice, I’ve been hanging around a couple of new friends and-"
"Yea? New friends, that’s awesome blog, really, we should all chill out sometime."
"Err, nah…they don’t like…chilling out."
"Hey, what’re you here for anyway?"
"Hey, man sorry, I’ve been busy you know, with school and stuff, but you know, I got a post for today."
"Yea? Is it good?"
"Well, I don’t really like to comment before release, ready for it?"

So my blog feels neglected, what you want me to say? It’s not alive, it doesn’t have feelings, not real ones at least. It’s just a web page, it doesn’t even have a physical real world presence. So no, I’m not going to go out of my way to make it happy, because it doesn’t even FEEL happiness. Somewhat like a baby, except babies are even dumber. You know I can’t mention babies without going on a little rant so here goes nothing.

I let a baby play Street Fighter 3 against the AI once. The baby won a game, and at the end of the match you get a grade. The baby got an F. An F, for winning, that’s how much babies fail, they can’t even win properly. To top it off that was the worst grade I’ve ever seen. And the baby didn’t even realize how bad it was, it actually thought it was doing well.

Anyway so I’ve started a couple of posts, never finished them, but I’ll list one here. That’s right, this is going to be (in part) the official, very exclusive super duty, ultra mega prehistoric futuristic release of previously unreleased releases. The only way this could be more valuable is if I was dead. (Knock on wood). I’ll release it at the end so that you have to read the entire post. See what I did there?

Most of my posts have a thesis or plots, or some sort of anchoring theme. If you could not already tell this does not, continue at your own risk.

During class a slide featured the abbreviation “msecs” Queue idiot –

“Msecs, msecs is for minute seconds right?”

I would like to describe my face at this point, but I can’t because the stupidity actually short circuited my brain, and I blacked out. However, as I was coming to, I did hear the professor say

“No no no, msecs, is for milliseconds.”

I guess I’m not supposed to judge him, but what the hell is a minute second. Why would msecs, ever stand for minute seconds? Considering that a “Minute second” doesn’t even exist, I doubt there would be an abbreviation for it. And really, we’re in a technology program, in a technology class, if you think there is such a thing as a minute seconds, I can’t help but be pessimistic as to how the rest of your life will play out.

Just to prove I’m not a jerk:

Woman on the street walks up to me, proceeds to point north and says, “South right?” I took a msec to make sure I was walking the right way, and gently corrected her. I took my time in righting her, she was greatly appreciative, as I was about to walk away, I turned and asked where she was heading, she said, Dundas, so I helped her with that too.

Another job well done.

Alright here it is. This ultra previously unreleased release comes to you from Jan 3rd 2008. Unreleased and unfinished post about my New Years:

I’m not about to get all hyped about it being a new year. I don’t do resolutions, countdowns, or best moments of previous years. If Constantine thinks he can just decide the year starts now he has another thing coming. I bet if Constantine asked you to drink goat blood you’d ask how much. And then he would say you choose, and then you would drink like a whole quart you sick bastards. Yea I do resolutions, countdowns and best moments; I only said I didn’t, to get your attention. But I made that decision myself not because some old dead Roman leader. Actually I distinctly remember when I was several months old thinking January first would be a good day to start over again. What a coincidence. So what’d I do this New Years? Nothing major, I just chilled out in a pal’s basement with Brandon Flowers from The Killers. He was pretty chill which was nice because that was the kind of mood I was in. We jammed out for a bit, nothing too serious but Brandon said he was really feeling the vibe of the night. He was mentioning something about a collabo EP, but I wasn’t listening because I was in the middle of a very engaging conversation with Kevin Drew from Broken Social Scene about the cold fusion potential of Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons. When it was finally past 12 Brandon leapt on a chair…

Totally true story, I was just having way too much fun being inebriated to remember what happened next.


Anonymous said...

Uniquely interesting blog.

And you're right: there really isn't a place in this world for filthy arsonists.