Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The True Story

This is a true story. Well, based on a true story. More like it is based on actual events of a true story. Or, events that could have transpired if actual events of a true story occurred…under the sea?

It was a rainy, stormy day. I looked over my shoulder once. Nothing. But I could have sworn I saw an octopus. I risk another glance. Bang. A tentacle smacks me upside my head. I leap out of my chair and dash towards the octopus. He knows he can’t be here at this time. The octopus curfew may not be fair. But I’m the one whose ass is getting grilled if any are out past curfew. The octopus races past two parked sea-cars, and heads toward the lowway, east of Frank’s eatery. A lowway is much like a highway, but under the sea. A grab my hat on the way out and look Penny dead in the eye.
“Don’t wait up.”

“Peurto!!” She screams.

“Heh.” I think to myself, she still doesn’t know my real name.

“What, penny?” I ask. “You know I have to do this. An octopus just smacked me in the face through my window. I’m not letting him get to the embassy.”

“How do you know that’s where he’s headed?”

I pause before answering, “Because Penny. He was purple.”

Her face turns dark, her eyes filled with worry, I hate to make her feel that way, but it can’t be helped.
“Clock out at six.” I tell her.

“And don’t worry, I’ll see you tomorrow, nine am.”

That seemed to make her feel better. I close the door gently behind me and get into my sea-car. But…something is wrong; I hear a squishy sound as I turn the ignition. SEA-CAR BOMB! I hurl myself out of the open window and am nearly sucked back in from the force of the explosion. Damn octopus, this isn’t just some mishap, something very wrong is going on. I go into a full on sprint. Octopuses are notoriously slow, and I’m not having any trouble gaining on the culprit. I notice the time 6:00. I have been sprinting for 30 minutes, and am about 100 meters behind the octopus. Definitely purple, and definitely heading towards the embassy. I grin at my luck, I haven’t killed an octopus in a long time. Suddenly, behind me I hear a steady tapping. It’s the clicking of a keyboard; I turn on a heel to see Mr. Laptop.

Now you may not believe what I am about to tell you about Mr. Laptop. But I assure you it's all true. He lost the use of everything but his fingers in a horrible explosion, leaving him hideous, but insanely intelligent and insanely evil. He decided to do away with his biological body parts and replaced them with mechanical ones, made of atyduum, a very rare sea-metal that absolutely refuses to rust. He uses his laptop for everything. Advanced software allows him to breathe when he types . Run, when he types and sing the most beautiful ballads if he only types it in. Also anything he wants to say, he types in, and his metallic mouth will form the words any way he describes them. He types at approximately the speed of sound. And is the creator of an extremely popular speed typing seminar. After the explosion that ruined his body mankind banished him to the sea-world for his carelessness. He has held a grudge against the earth-walkers ever since. Mr. Laptop obviously can’t go anywhere without his triple quad dual core laptop. He only buys the fastest processing ones.

“Damn” I exhale under my breathe. Mr. Laptop is my greatest enemy. But I cannot just let the octopus get away. He slapped me and I have a violent temper. I stare into Mr. Laptop’s unemotional eyes.

“What are you doing here Lappy?”

He lets out a cackled laugh, that probably took a paragraph for him to describe.

“Well Bent, I couldn’t help but notice you were chasing an octopus.”

“Yea, that’s right, and after I’m done killing you, I’m going to chase it down and kill it. Then go home brush my teeth, and finish the harlequin I’ve started.”

Mr. Laptop lets out another crackled laugh.

“Seems like you have your whole night planned.”

Again I get the feeling something is not quite right. Why did Mr. Laptop show up now, behind me while I was chasing an octopus…A purple one. I look him up and down.

“You can sense it can’t you Bent, there is something wrong, isn't there?”

He looks at me, his fingers whizzing over his keyboard, faster than I can keep up with. That’s always been Mr. Laptops weak point. He needs to type to do anything, even breathe. But getting close to him is difficult as he can describe a vicious roundhouse kick that will kill in an instant. So I’ve always taken to distance fighting. Tonight though, he seems oddly overconfident. How does he know that I've felt something is wrong since the octopus blew up my sea-car. I also notice it's a bit too dark for 6:00.

“Come on Bent!” He yells. “You haven’t noticed it yet!? I’ve acquired the Bird of Doom!”

That’s when I spotted it. An animal flying through the water, so huge it casts a shadow over the entire city. The Bird of Doom. And Mr. Laptop and him are working together. I steady myself, and feel the hot burn as I swallow the lump in my throat.

(to be continued)


Vincent said...

Dude, I totally said South American Girls, that's pretty much the exact same thing. Plus your story is mad nuts. I'm out of ideas.