Throwing Smoke? That Sounds Cool Too!

Ever felt like you don’t have the resources to make your dreams a reality? I don’t mean having a Jacuzzi and secret sauna in your basement for business deals. Suffice it to say you know what I mean, I know what you mean too. We understand each other. And on to the main feature.




Throwing Smoke


LOL get me off this team

So I asked to be traded. No dice. At the end of my second minor league season I was hoping I would get some offers from other ball clubs who were interested in prospects. Turns out I’m not even allowed to become a free agent. The Rays reeled me in for decent 97 000. I know… I’m pretty much balling at the ripe age of 24.

Midway through May I was called up to AAA Durham Bulls. Obviously this manager had some sense because he offered me the closer role off the fuckin bat. Or so I thought. After closing ten games, ten saves, and a microscopic 1.59 era I was sent back to the mid relief. Why? Because I was slacking on my fielding training! Someone needs to get my out of the Rays farm. It’s run by morons, I mean Mormons. I few weeks after that I was back in AA. Attitude problems they cited. Rampant alcoholism and sexual assault was more like it. But I was performing on the mound, isn’t that the only thing that should matter? How did I handle my demotion? I promptly started working on my K/9 (strikeouts per nine innings). I just started striking fuckers out, because I’m a boss. I finished the season in Montgomery AA.

As spring season ended I got a letter from the general manager. It read something like this? Wanna pitch for the Rays in late inning relief for 300K. Fuckin Eh.

. No dice. At the end of my second minor league season I was hoping I would get some offers from other ball clubs who were interested in prospects. Turns out I’m not even allowed to become a free agent. The Rays reeled me in for decent 97 000. I know… I’m pretty much balling at the ripe age of 24.

Midway through May I was called up to AAA Durham Bulls. Obviously this manager had some sense because he offered me the closer role off the fuckin bat. Or so I thought. After closing ten games, ten saves, and a microscopic 1.59 era I was sent back to the mid relief. Why? Because I was slacking on my fielding training! Someone needs to get my out of the Rays farm. It’s run by morons, I mean Mormons. I few weeks after that I was back in AA. Attitude problems they cited. Rampant alcoholism and sexual assault was more like it. But I was performing on the mound, isn’t that the only thing that should matter? How did I handle my demotion? I promptly started working on my K/9 (strikeouts per nine innings). I just started striking fuckers out, because I’m a boss. I finished the season in Montgomery AA.

As spring season ended I got a letter from the general manager. It read something like this? Wanna pitch for the Rays in late inning relief for 300K. Fuckin Eh.