Low kick to hyper to hadouken to high kick to super to throw to light punch, light punch heavy punch to hyper

I swear to god I would kick the ever living shit out of you.

Given the opportunity I might just lose it and beat some asshole within an inch of their life.

I would throw elbows, spinning hook kicks, plum knees, and did I mention I can shoot fireballs?

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I have a black belt in Karate. I've done kickboxing, traditional boxing, and right now I'm practising muay thai and jiu jitsu. I've been doing this stuff since I was in the eighth grade and it's really the only thing close to a sport apart from snowboarding and that I'm not completely incompetent at.

No I am not good at basketball. Get over it.

Now please understand that I don't want to come across as someone who's fronting. I am not a fronter.

For the sake of clarity:

(That's a picture of me not fronting)

I don't go around beating people up for fun, I don't even do it for practice.

In all honesty I've never been in a fight. Except for that one time I fed the monster under my bed a gourmet knuckle sandwich for touching my ankles when I woke up one morning.

Aside from that one, isolated (albeit friggin' awesome) experience, I have never had to purchase the ingredients and prepare a knuckle sandwich for anyone I've ever met.

The reason this has never happened is I don't fight people unless they hit me first. A good friend once said to me "Nobody is going to call you a bitch if you respectfully decline an invitation to engage in hand-to-hand combat, but everyone will know you as a bitch if you start a fight and get put on your ass."

Makes sense, no?

Lucky/unlucky for me, I've never met anyone brave/foolish enough to hit me.

Lucky because "violence isn't the answer" or something like that.

Unlucky because I've never had the chance to show anyone my flaming Shoryuken in person... (That's where I do an uppercut while jumping in the air, spinning 360 degrees. Did I mention my hands are on fire?) Trust me it's pretty sweet.

The worst part about all this is that not only can I not show off, but when people say "Okay Kid, if you won't fight, at least play me a round in Street Fighter/Soul Calibur/Tekken/Guilty Gear/Marvel Vs. Capcom/ Virtua Fighter/Mortal Combat/ King of Fighters/Primal Rage/Killer Instinct/Whatever bullshit fighting game I forgot to include in this list." And I have to be like:

"SORRY!!!! I SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES BASICALLY!!! THE IDEA OF PRESSING LEFT, DOWN, DIAGONAL LEFT/DOWN + PUNCH TO GIVE YOU AN IMAGINARY SHORYUKEN SEEMS HARDER TO ME THAN LIGHTING MY HANDS ON FIRE AND PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE IN REAL LIFE!!!!"

Now the fact of the matter is, while I own approximately fifty two gazillion video games, (give or take a few) I basically suck at all of them. At least compared to all my friends, who somehow are miraculously nerdier than I am, a reality I never thought even remotely possible. Maybe I'm just hopelessly lacking hand-eye co-ordination. Regardless, name a game:

Halo? suck at it

Call of Duty? suck at it

Super Mario? suck at it

Pac Man? suck at it

But I am damn good at Wii Fit.

Apparently being a fatty with a controller glued to your hands makes you a better fighter with more bragging rights than someone who could actually kick your ass.

Guess it's time to hang up the gloves and get comfortable. At least I'll have super strong thumbs.