Friday, May 22, 2009

Teenagers? A Change Of Heart?

So the votes are in. Much to the chagrin of my fellow writer Vincent I am sure, it seems that in general people do believe teenagers are not worth their weight in gold. Much less in fact I presume, as I would easily trade off several teenagers for a McDonald's cheeseburger hold the cheese. Oh you don't know about the hold the cheese trick? I'll clue you in later, only because you believe teenagers should indeed be face trounced.

However, this is not the whole story as a second option, "Teenagers have mothers who love them" finished with the same amount of votes as my face trouncing option. Is a change of heart in order? Should I rescind my teenager hating ways because after it is all done we all have mothers who love us? Perhaps, I'm not so stubborn that I wouldn't give them a second chance, but HOLD ON! That's what they want isn't it? For us to let our guard down for a second, it won't take long for them to take advantage, they are able to do so many things so quickly with their free time and technology. No my friends, I for one will not turn my back on a teenager for fear of being shanked like a latino gangster in a shady detroit nightclub. I'll leave you to make your own decisions, but if there is one thing everyone should's the hold the cheese trick.

The hold the cheese trick is a very very priviledged piece of information. I was able to obtain it whilst at HighSchool. I'm not sure how many McDonalds this works for or any other fast food chains, but I do know it works for at least one.
Basically it works like this, roll up to your nearest McDonalds' drivethru. Once there proceed to ask for a,
"Cheeseburger, hold the cheese."

They will try to dissuade you, "A Hamburger?" They will ask.

Decline the offer of a Hamburger, "No, a cheeseburger, hold the cheese."

"Want fries with that?"

"No, a cheeseburger, hold the cheese?"

See, you must always say the entire phrase. It's tough to pull off correctly. Someone might entice you to an apple pie, or a soft drink, but you must decline everything. Otherwise they will not bring you the real goods, and you definitely will not be admitted inside.

Before I continue here are some notes to ensure success. When asking for the cheeseburger without cheese, you musn't do just that. You can't change the phrase, it's been around since the dark ages and it's not about to change now.
"Cheeseburger, hold the cheese." Got it? Good. Next, when asking for this cheeseburger lower your voice and pretend like you have honey coated in your throat. That's right, you have to sound sly and very shady, speaking just above a whisper should be your approximate decibel goal. This is so they don't think you are a retard and just bring you a hamburger which is definitely NOT what you want. What do you want? Heh, the goods baby. You want the gooooods. And if you follow these steps correctly you're going to get them.

Happy hunting, I know some of you will be rewarded with so many goods, others will not, I once was with someone trying to get some goods, he requested a poutin hold the cheese and all we got was gravy fries, remember its a cheeseburger. You probably won't get any goods your first try, because they won't trust you sounding all sketch and everything, but the sketchy voice WILL help you get more goods on future trips. Hopefully you'll come back here and entice us all with what goods you got. Finally after you have most of the goods... well no, that's too much information.


simply.steph said...

True story: Me and my friend were at a tim hortons. I sit down and let him line up for me and ask him to order me a double double without cream or sugar. Dumb ass doesn't think twice and does it. after approaching the lady at the counter and realizing what he was actually ordering he comes back to me and goes "you know what a double double is? You totally look stupid ordering a double double without cream or sugar". I laugh at him, take my money back and make him line up again and buy me an ice cap and honey cruller for making me wait. Cause that's what shady cholo-esque teenagers do.

Kid Vincent said...

Aaron Carter for the win.

Cholos are my fave.