Monday, April 20, 2009

Peace and Chicken Grease

Taking a shit is only complicated if you make it complicated. For instance, while at the gym I saw my friend's father. I approached him and said hey what's up then commenced the common line of questioning in the gym. Like, what are you working on today? When do you usually come here? Whats your max bench? After that's out the way you usually start talking about lazy people as to boost your own resolve for ignoring other responsibilities. That's why I like the gym its both a physical and mental exercise facility. I love the ego boost you get from lifting more than some fat guy and the verdant moments provided by the women on stair masters, its just amazing. There is one part of my routine at the gym  I like best and that is shit time. Yes, at some point after stretching or an epic ab workout my boules loosen up and the precursors for a massive performance can be smelt in the air. Postponing the release of excrement may lead to shit in my pants moments and/or ill timed gaseous expulsion, that's why I never hesitate to take a shit. 

Making my way to the bathroom I was delighted to see there was no one around to bother me. I'm not saying I need absolute silence that would be weird and I would liken it to taking a shit in a library. I'm not about that. However, I noticed there was someone in the stall beside mine and that was fine because the toilet in use was of the handicap variety. Which to me says "hey I'm not handicapped I just want the space so I can spread out and take a great shit." I was fine with that because that's exactly what I wanted to do; I wanted take a great shit.  

Using my new found ab strength combined with my testosterone fueled attitude for not givin a fuck. I crapped all over that toilet. It was loud, it was smelly and it warned anyone within the proximity to sense it to be wary of a nearby alpha male.

Turns out it was my friends dad in the stall beside me. We exchanged short glances washed our hands and did not speak. So now I'm online looking up the correct way to execute a courtesy flush

Sincerely yours,
-Braylon "Tha Shit" Rusi