Monday, August 11, 2008

But I love Mac's

"Never Loiter in Mac's again."
I told her I would do anything. Part of me was grateful beyond belief, the other part was ready to reach for my waist and spray the f*** out of the 30-something woman who stood so audaciously before my very eyes.

I'm getting a little ahead of myself here...
It was the jazzfest, I'd just gotten off work and we were all headed to see Down With Webster; the almost famous rap/rock band born and bred in T.O. They were playing a rec centre in the east end. Real up close and personal, (although that isn't rare). They advertised tickets at $10 only to raise the upfront price to $15. 
If you should happen to know who I am behind the thin veil of my alter ego you would also be inclined to know that my friends and I aren't exactly rolling in paper just yet. Two of my compatriots could not afford tickets. To their great fortune though, a head-banded young man felt it was his responsibility that everyone hear this band's magical live performance and therefore paid for my friends tickets with no hesitation or expectation of reimbursement whatsoever.
Being in possession of a mediocrely produced fake identification card, I purchased a tasty 5 dollar beer on the maximum security, alcoholic side of the rec centre and proceeded to enjoy the show.
The show got us all riled up, so in our excitement we decided to go gather moss in a convenience store before parting ways. The cover of the maxim magazine featured some chick from the movie pinapple express and promises of more appealing photographs of actors and models inside.
With barbeque sunflower seeds in hand and Mila Kunis on eye we stood around for what seemed like eons. 
A woman walks in the store and upon laying eyes on us asks:
"Are you guys gonna buy anything"
Now I'm thinking... this lady must work here... uh oh...
"Come here" she says
I walk over now slightly afraid, ready to pay and get lost at sea.
She snatches the sunflower seeds out of my hands and barks, "GET THE MAGAZINE TOO"
I snag the maxim and bring it to her, my hands trembling.
She pays for both items, gives me the change and stares right in my eyes.
my lips quiver as I try and squeak out the words... "Ok miss, I promise, never"
She saunters out the store and catches a cab. Hanging out the window she says again "Never loiter in a convenience store ever again" 
People in the east end are too nice...
I should have asked her for a porno mag...