Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Truth About Wireless Technology

I was sitting in my Network class, doing everything but networking when I decided that I’ve run out of good things to Google for the next hour or so (Google is a tool I couldn’t exist without, I Google Gene Hackman just to refresh my memory) after I realized my last query into the image search was “Edward Norton cyborg”. I typed it in knowing it was a stretch, but I couldn’t help but feel disappointed when my search didn’t yield any results (I had my suspicions). Now my network professor is a black man with a high pitched Caribbean accent audible to canines only, but he caught my attention when he said he can’t help but get chills when he sees people on cell phones because the effects of using this wireless technology all up in your ear drum are unknown. I started chuckling internally at the irony of my network professor being afraid to use cell phones while we are discussing wireless network technology. But then he made a point that changed my whole demeanor. He must have noted me chuckling at him because he aimed his next point directly at me.

“We use wireless access points to transmit signals through brick walls, they are obviously passing through our tissue at a very high rate of speed.”

His point is undeniable, and that’s when it clicked. The government is using cell phones and other wireless technology to turn the population into cyborgs. Now I’m not a conspiracy theorist but if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and talks like a duck you’re probably at the zoo. Besides, this just makes sense.

We all know America is having a pretty tough time in the war game. Wouldn’t an army of cyborgs help the cause…shhhh. It’s a rhetorical question, of course that would help. Forget geopolitics for a second and let’s think about the domestic reasons. Since the industrial revolution North American society has been automating jobs by the truck load, and you know it's true because how else would Hollister sell so many T-shirts. The problem is there are some jobs that still require a human element, employers wish the humans that they still do employ could work just a bit faster, right? Of course they do, this is a capitalist system, minimize loss maximize profits! The benefit of having a cyborg work force, that could have the processing speed of an automated system and still be capable of human reasoning and care would be monumental. Savvy business people would cyborg their entire workforce. No no no, put the phone down, do you think I’m stupid I’ve already patented, copyrighted, and trademarked all instances of the cyborg technology. In any case I’m sure you can see how the government would collaborate with the private sector in making these cyborgs very real, very soon. Okay, the concept of cyborgs definitely isn’t a new one, surely this could have been implemented a decade ago. Heres a little tidbit of info for you. They already have, the only people who would volunteer to be a cyborg are delusional trekies. Hardly the prime candidate. So through the use of Wireless networking and cell phones the signals being transmitted though our tissue carries a unique metal that is invisible in its gas form, which is transmitted through our tissue, expands into our bloodstream into our hearts and starts the mechanization process. I’ve already thrown my cell phone away. Being a cyborg would have its good points but I refuse to be a money making tool for White America. I’m not even going to suggest you do the same. You have the facts.