Sunday, March 07, 2010

Man Down

It's a crazy world out there.

I have little to say because I'm still in shock. The other day I had a few beers at a friends house. I wasn't feeling scummy enough to drive home drunk so I walked. My house is 5 minutes away from my friends house so it wasn't too bad. I checked my phone, it was one o'clock in the morning, and I thought "man this place is dead quiet."

I looked up and saw a car coming towards me. As the car drove pass an egg was hurled out of the window striking me in the shoulder. My entire right shoulder was covered in yolk and a mixture of frustration, anger, bewilderment paralyzed my voice for a second. I eventually recovered enough to say something like "grrrea aww what the fucking awwwrrggghh"

Then I started to go crazy. I tried to find a rock just in case they came back. I went over to someones lawn and tried to pick up a small boulder from their garden, it was too big. Then I went over to someones tree and tried to dislodge one of the decorative bricks around the trunk, I couldn't move it. Finally I saw a garden with loose stones the size of my fist, they were perfect.

But what was my plan? I asked myself and couldn't find an answer so I went home. I wiped the yolk off of my jacket when I got inside. I took a look at myself in the mirror and could see the crusty mark of yolk on my shoulder, it burned. I grabbed my touque, mittens and an extra jacket, I still had the rock. I went outside and walked around my neighbourhood looking for these punks.

I figured if my plan was to throw a rock through their windshield they will probably be mad. I thought it would be a good idea to let some people know where I am just in case I get into a confrontation and lose. I texted this girl who lives close enough to find my body in case I was left crippled, she disapproved of my idea. She thought that throwing a rock through someones windshield was a bad idea and she came and picked me up.

Noticing the craziness in my eyes she told me some facts;

Fact 1) at least it wasn't a brick
Fact 2) you're not going to find them
Fact 3) now you have some eggs for an omelet.

I went crazy but I'm alright, they got me and they know I can't get them back.

P.S. Way back in my highschool days I was walking home with a couple of friends and some guys threw beer bottles at us from their truck. I guess that's why I can see the humour in getting hit by an egg.