Thursday, January 29, 2009

Are You a Hero?

Its where geniuses and undercover fire-fighters alike converge to refuel for the busy nights ahead of them.

Give me one good reason why Hero Certified Burgers is not the single most amazing product/brand on the face of the entire universe.
When was the last time you had your hamburger sent to your table in a fast food restaurant? Not even Wendy's does that anymore!!!
When was the last time you had jalepenos or creole mustard on a 9oz burger with peameal bacon and cheddar cheese with red onions and a signature sauce?
When was the last time you weren't eating faeces in KFC and you got a free refillable fountain drink?
When was the last time you heard a debate about Ignatieff vs. Harper in a burger joint?
I'm writing this frantically as I process my sugar rush IN HERO CERTIFIED BURGERS.
That's right, they have wi-fi.


It boggles the mind to accept a reality where Hero Certified Burgers is not the president of the United Sates of America, fuck it, the world

What's worse is that there's probably a pretty good chance you don't even know what Hero Certified Burgers is, or you've never had it. That is really what makes it hard for me to wake up in the morning. 
Or you're the kind of person that thinks burger culture is domineering and misogynistic.
Talk shit now you pinko-commie-vegan cultural liability.
And for the record, my burger actually looked exactly like one above.

Now I'm gonna finish my fries and watch Pimp my Ride on the TV just above me.

zzzzztttt zzzzzztttt,

Kid Vincent


Rusi said...

Hero burgers are the shit. I used to be all about the avacodo spread. That was until I had some of the hero sauce.