Sunday, November 26, 2006

Sleep and Belts


Two things I’ve never been good at are (among other things): Waking up in the morning, and deciding what to wear. This combination has always been problematic, for obvious reasons. (1) I wake up late, and (2) Once I’m behind I can’t think of what to put on. However over the years I’ve been able to deal with my shortcomings. Today, however was different. At 7:30am my sister wakes me up, a nice gesture you may think, except for the fact I wasn’t planning on waking up till 9. That’s right, she just committed a crime worthy of capital punishment, I started to reach under my pillow where I keep my 9 mili. But I was like,

“ Shit yo, I aint even feelin’ blowing her brains out on my bed.”

So I stopped, but I did make a very loud groan in disappointment.

“Can you drive me to school?”

“What!!”

“Sorry, you’re gonna wake up soon anyway, right?”

I felt my hand creeping under my pillow again, but managed to calm the urge. I mean I was so upset and angry and confused and sad. I couldn’t believe I was having a conversation with actual words with an actual person at 7:31 am. I didn’t have the presence of mind to continue the conversation, so I started saying no, no, no, no, no! Then I started crying. She started getting the hint and walked away. But then my mother came in all like,

“BLU BLAH BLIE BLU.”

Which is exactly what I heard. I wasn’t about to fight this battle any longer. I simply shut off my brain, which is a technique anyone who wants to go anywhere in life should acquire.

I woke up in a blur, still feeling very emotional from my early morning encounters with not a very long time to get ready to attend my post secondary institution. Now leaving my home very much in danger of missing my train, I decided, in terms of jeans it wasn’t a ‘Dark Worn Wash’ day, it was more of a ‘Faded Indigo’ one. In this rush there was absolutely no time to put on my belt, so I stuffed it into my bag.

Now the rest of my morning was spent walking funny and pulling up my pants. When finally in class I decided it was now time to put the belt on. I tried to be as discrete as possible but despite my best efforts a classmate spotted me with a thick brown leather belt in my hand. Having been caught I tried to play it off with stoic Clint Eastwood masculinity.

“Yea I’m putting my belt on. Do you feel lucky?”

The humor was lost on him. And I became sad. I decided to ignore this insignificant being and starting fastening my belt, which by the way I don’t see why it has to be such a big deal, people were glancing over from there seats, like I just spilled coffee on my lap and decided to take my pants off to give it a good air-dry. I could feel their eyes on me. Later, the situation disipitated, but I couldn’t help but be angry with my sister, was it not her who having woke me from my mighty slumber disarrayed my day from one of peace and prosperity into death, damnation and destruction? Is she to blame, for me not having enough time to cloth myself properly at home? You bet your ass, and you bet it on black 26 if you know what's good for you. And while you're at it, believe that I won't be so hesitant to get brains on my sheets again.

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