Take a bite

I'm craving papaya, not even gonna lie.

I've been playing a lot of fruit ninja these days, still despite my best efforts I can't top Samson's high score. Do I persevere or accept defeat?

I'm leaving the country on Wednesday. I'm not sure when I'll be back or what I'll be like when I do.

In the meantime you can observe my evolution here. I was thinking about making a tumblr account but I don't really know what that means...

I don't want to abandon ship, even though everyone else has.

I've been feeling like a lot less of a genius lately, I haven't had an inspired thought in ages. I'm on the phone while I write this... I have a real issue with talking on the phone.

I have to use a headset cause my ears get uncomfortable. I never know what to say most of the time, it's like I'm crazy and I'm having an internal monologue. Or it's like inception where the conversation is just a figment of my imagination. You should tell her you love her.

Dimethyltryptamine

What do you long for? What do you dream about? Ever seen a ghost or a spaceship?

Honestly at this point, I'd fucking believe anything.

The coolest thing about faith, not just religious faith but faith in anything is that you're making the choice to believe. To be a functional human being in the information age means to question everything. I have a hard time believing anything because there's so much bullshit in the world. To have faith in anything is really special because it's easy to just assume everything is made up. If we lived in a world where there were no mysteries and no lies you wouldn't even have a concept of faith because you'd have no doubt.

Your humanity is filled with doubt.

So to have faith in anything aside from the certainty of death, is very important to me. I don't want to have unfounded beliefs though, I want to believe in stuff for good reasons.

What do you believe in?

Where the fucks my pen?

How do I get more people to read this blog? How are we gonna get rich from this blog?

If I told you I'd give you 20 bucks to read this and tell all your friends would you do it?

I probably can't afford that...

I wonder if one day they won't teach kids how to write, just how to type.

Why leave a sticky note on your fridge when you can just have a digital fridge with a screen and shit?

I don't think it would be all that bad honestly. I bet kids would be a lot more visually creative with regards to drawing and painting. If all you knew how to use your hands for was esoteric ideas then you'd probably get pretty good at it. I'm shit at drawing, I look at people who can draw the things they see, or even better, the things they imagine. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!

That I can have an idea and put it on paper to directly translate that idea to another human being FUCKING BLOWS MY MIND.

Maybe I'm just a burnout.

Did you think about your career when you were a kid? Did you picture your husband or wife? Your house? Did you ever imagine that you would start losing friends to their jobs or their lovers? I miss days when everyone was around with absolutely nothing better to do than to loiter in Tim Hortons or outside whoever's party we just got kicked out of.

Sure I'm legal so I can go to whatever the fuck bar or club I want to but what fun is that if you can't do it with the people you want to do it with.

Am I being a bummer? It's probably just the seasonal affective disorder kicking in.

S.A.D.

What a cruel acronym... Doctors and psychologists obviously have a seriously fucked up sense of humour.

It's like if the scientific name for cancer spelled out D.E.A.D.

Whoops, I'm not supposed to make cancer/aids/schizophrenia jokes anymore. I forget that there are people out there I could very easily be offending. Sorry!

It's A Bush Not Your Bush!

Nothing happens after the cameraman sits down.

*This article is based on the video*



A lot of people consider laws to be the only thing stopping us from ripping ourselves apart. This means in the past we were ripping ourselves apart and someone got us to stop. That someone is God... God has stopped everyone from hurting each other. Allow me to explain.

The creation of God provided the need for translators. The translators explain what God does, and what God wants, and how God wants it done. A few lucky coincidences like predicting a flood because you understand water levels or harvesting a large crop because you know a better way to farm the land. Helps confirm the translators message and his position.

We have a God, we have a translator and the point of all this is to promote whatever it is God wants. For different translators there are different end games. In the case of most translators the end game is a large empire. Since you can't build an empire on your own the people must be harvested.

Harvesting people is difficult but the best way it seems is to make them believe they are safe. Laws are the pesticide that keeps the crops safe. The pests are criminals who don't follow the law and may damage the crops.

So if Google changes the world and I grow tall enough to see whats happening on the porch of the mansion then maybe the laws are good. But if I never see above of the undergrowth what have the laws done other than provide me with a shaded space? Will I be cut early from the crops because of my small need for valuable resources? Hopefully natural forces will help me grow or at least spread my seed into the wild because I believe there was a natural equilibrium. All this man made stuff always seems to cost money.

Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

So as far as the douchebag issue is concerned, I guess we'll beat them up AND THEN kill them.

I had a frightening thought the other day.

I saw a girl who was about my age taking care of a bunch of little children in an aftercare program. She was the sole source of responsibility. She alone had to take care of these munchkins, she was an adult. Yet she was my age...

Am I an adult??? Impossible.

I am not and it's becoming more and obvious that I will probably never be an adult.

I couldn't fathom making that transformation into adulthood, I haven't really changed in like 5 years... Are we all just little kids in adult bodies?

I think "adults" get along often just based on the fact that they're all in on the same joke.

I'd have to assume most people go their whole lives at the mental capacity of an 18 year-old. You're surrounded by utter insanity on this planet and it's probably gonna stay like that until you're old and grey. Meanwhile, upstairs you're still going to look at life through the same "light scum-brown lens" that you've been wearing since you lost your virginity. For those of you who aren't there yet, fear not cause even sex doesn't really change things all that much.

Just dicks and pussies...

Try holding someone's hand. Maintain eye contact with a complete stranger. Stuff like that is actually intense. Hold up a bank.

I figure some things really do make you more of an adult, but probably not a mortgage or a 9-5 day shift. I think things like birth and loss really change a person.

Really when I think about it, I actually like that I'll be the same for the rest of my life. I'd hate to turn into some kind of fucking stiff later on in life. Maybe all my future prostate exams will eventually just turn me into a bitter asshole. I hope not.

I like who I am and if I really needed to change I wouldn't be waiting to grow up just to do it.

Big Ups!

So every once in awhile I'm gonna hop up in my throne and tell you guys what kind of media you should be ingesting. I have the best taste so just obey!

First off is a track from my buddy Pablo AKA Guapo of the Saints. This video is pretty dope but homeboy needs to put brakes on his bike. MADNESS!!!

Ever heard of Sub Focus? Ever heard of dubstep? Me neither, it's okay just listen.

Last it's Das Racist. If you haven't heard by now, you can pretend I didn't tell you about this and act all cool and shit.

KARATE CHOP!!!!

I Aint Ever Scared

Douchebags, scumbags, bums and the more illusive bumbags e.i. bummiest bagiticus.

What does it all mean? Who are these people and why can't we kill em all dead?

DOUCHBAGS:
Easily the most distinguishable from the species of ne'er-do-wells. Their physical features are on par with the idea of the alpha male. Unfortunately these same looks create a side effect of arrogance and a sense of entitlement. A douchebag's biggest problem is that he/she believes their actions are meaningful and must be noted and recognized while ignoring all other actions. Often a douchebag is confused with an asshole because they look and sound similar. The difference between the two is an asshole get's a lot of sex and a douchebag is too horrendous to consider a palpable mate

Physical Attributes
-Polo popped collar
-sunglasses
-into some sort of extreme sport

Habitat
-all ages bars
-manager's office

Call
The douchebag's call is a mixture of swearing and salacious comments to the opposite sex

SCUMBAGS:
Probably the realist people in the world. The scumbag's life is simple; self satisfaction is everything. Unlike the douchebag who ignores those around him because of some sort of mental block the scumbag lives among others but does not care for them. Psychologists would describe the scumbag as the modern man not familiar with the concept of a past or future and ultimately living in the present. A scumbag is interested in the primitive pleasures that is; food, sex, and entertainment and he/she will satisfy these pleasures at the cost of "moral considerability." That is not to say the scumbag does not follow some sort of moral code. There are many papers on the philosophy of scumbags some say it originates from a Nietzsche perspective. Since the ultimate answer to life is unattainable all our actions to describe what the truth is must be fake. To avoid this fakeness a scumbag will act on nothing other than instinct.

Physical Attributes
-N/A a scumbag is an abstract it is more of an idea than an identity

Habitat
-N/A a scumbag could be anyone at anytime in any place

Call
-A distinct raspy and mocking laugh that serves as a demoralizing tool for the victims of a scumbag. This is the only true way to identify whether someone is following the scumbag code.


BUMS:
Are people forced into being scumbags through financial failure. It is important to separate bums from scumbags because one must realize if given a choice a bum will most definitely not want to be a scumbag.

N.B. some have argued that if finances defines a bum then a douchebag or scumbag could commit financial failure to become a bum. This, however, is impossible because a scumbag or douchebag loosing money is obviously due to the fact that they are scumbags or douchebags in the first place.

BUMBAGS:
A hybrid of bum and scumbag. There is not to much information on what a bumbag is but there are theories as to where a bumbag comes from. Some feel a bum bag is first a bum who uses a scumbag mentality to rise above financial failure. Having said that, there are scumbags who feint financial troubles in order to be considered a bum and thus receive undue sympathy. Researchers believe the scumbag money fake out is the true bumbag and the bum who makes money has not realized they are no longer a bum.

WHY CANT WE KILL EM DEAD?
Using the stance of "land ethics" first introduced by Aldo Leopold I would argue that we cant kill any of these beings because that would disrupt the energy circuit. That is to say life as we know it would not be the same without these beings. Some argue that jerks are pretty much the same as all of these beings and we could just replace the population of douchebags, scumbags and bums with jerks. They go on to say managing a jerk population is easier than dealing with the more dangerous minds of bag-ery. Unfortunately this would change the energy circuit into a new pattern where regular people have an easier life without getting scammed on. Growing innocent and weak our species would inevitability be eaten alive by the Tiger or more realistically the Liger. In conclusion watch ya back hommie....

At least I'm not a vegetable

What do you do with douchebags? They're everywhere. They seep into your daily life at work, at school. They even ambush you in random encounters. *Cue battle music*

Don't get me wrong, Jersey Shore is pretty hilarious but if you had to live in a house with those people I don't think you'd be laughing very hard. Unless by laughing you mean slitting your wrists; then yes.

VERY HARD.

I recently found out that some guy called me a fruit pretty much to my face a few months ago. I apparently didn't hear, otherwise my brain just muted the person's big stupid mouth so I wouldn't do something uncalled for. I can't fully picture myself being in the kind of mental condition where I would go around calling strangers "fruit" within earshot, but I can only imagine it would be coming from some kind of deep-seeded insecurity. Keep in mind, this guy used to roll/deal/go out/date/go steady with my girlfriend, and she is the person he directly said the word fruit to, even though I was more or less standing next to her. Perhaps he was just jealous.

Still, I feel as though blaming that kind of behaviour on insecurity or jealousy is what your mom does when you get bullied at school.

"Oh, don't worry honey, Billy only split your ballsack open with a wet towel in the changeroom because he's insecure and is probably having some problems at home."

THANKS MOM :)

Above is a picture of two handfuls of turkey testicles.

So I'm not sure what to believe. Maybe this guy was hoping that I was a fruit so he could run some game on me, maybe steal me from my girlfriend. Maybe that's just how he greets people. I guess it's more important to think about what I would have done if I had heard him call me a fruit. I probably would just tell him to go away. Getting upset at being called a fruit definitely just validates your fruit status. The guy probably just didn't get his 8-10 servings that day and had fruits on his mind.

If I was a fruit, what kind would I be?

(All the racists simultaneously scream WATERMELON!!!!)

I think if I was a fruit I'd be a Durian A.K.A. King Fruit. Cause it's spiky and badass, plus it smells bad. FUCK YEAH. Don't mess with the king.

The most important thing to note is that I'm not a fruit. As far as I can tell I am a human bean, which is a legume, NOT A FRUIT!!

At one point I seem to remember while this guy was talking to my girlfriend he was lifting up his shirt! WHO DOES THAT??? In just a regular conversation! You're not The Situation, keep your clothes on dude. Same goes for all the guys on social networking site. We get it, you work on your abs and you're proud of them, but please keep your clothes on until you're actually getting laid. Nobody likes a showoff, except for people who like showoffs and that's okay because nobody likes them either.

Don't take this as me getting worked up about it. More than anything I'm just confused with the way people act sometimes. Maybe he was looking for a scrap. Maybe he was hoping I would fight him and lose so he'd look cool in front of my girlfriend.

I guess I'll never know. If there's anything I can leave behind in this world, I hope it's a shred of douchebag awareness. You guys need to know about the dangers out there.

I'm thinking I'll just bring back, "Talk to the hand!"

Maybe you guys have the solution to the asshole epidemic, cause I'm running out of ideas.

Times should be hard... somehow they aren't.

What a long, strange time it's been. I've missed you all. I've missed this. But now that I'm king, I feel I have a much greater incentive to share my thoughts with you all once again.

KIDDING!

I know my place. Even if things are different now, we're all still a team and there are no kings or pawns, just the stage and YOU! Our lovely audience. I'm sure you've noticed the change in layout and stuff, but fear not. We're still the same bloggers you know and love.

Now, to business!

Since I last wrote, I've purchased a new bike. I ride a fixed gear so basically I'm a hipster and I love Pabst and organic meats. I only listen to music you've never heard of because I don't even understand the meaning of the word conformity.

All jokes aside, I do actually ride fixed and It's a lot more fun than you'd think. It's like learning how to ride a bike all over again, that same sense of satisfaction is there once you've got it all figured out. Now I'm like the wind once more.

I got stopped by the police last night for not having a light. My bike is all black and as of late -- much to my girlfriend's dismay -- I've taken a liking to dressing in all black. Fuck, I must be 20...

There still have been no leads regarding the guy who ran me over a few months ago. Police are kind of useless when it comes to stuff like this. Where's Batman when you need him? I'm thinking I'm just gonna go out and look for the dude who did it. Too bad I was kind of in shock and I actually have no idea what he looked like.

I'm planning on buying something called a Maschine. I know for certain that Deadmau5, Booka Shade, Krazy Baldhead and Xaphoon from Chiddy Bang all own one. As of lately I've been brimming with music ideas, the only issue is that I don't really have the means to bring them into reality. Talking with producers can be really difficult because a lot of the time they're busy or just don't really get around to getting real work done. This doesn't apply to everyone but you can see how it might be frustrating.

So I'm thinking I'll take it into my own hands and see where things go.

But danger lurks around the corner.

On Monday at around 4pm I'm going to be fired from my job at The Rushton. My manager hates my guts, the owner refuses to get involved. I only had one shift this week and next week I'm not on the schedule at all. As a matter of fact I didn't even get the schedule. So I get a call today asking me to come in on monday to speak to the manager.

What's the verdict? I'm thinking...

FIRED!

I'm not really too concerned, I actually hate that place and I'm looking for another job anyways.

In other news,

If you have boardwalk for McDonalds Monopoly, I have Park Place so if you need someone to split a million dollars with, I'm your man.

Change of the Guard

Let’s not make this awkward. Let bygones be bygones. Like two girlfriends who haven’t spoken in three years and suddenly run into each other at the cashier. Let’s just hug and kiss and I’ll tell you guys what I’ve been up to. Well, nothing has changed but everything is pretty different now. I’m happily married, a newlywed for about a week and am expecting a child early 2011. I am graduating this month and I am finally getting paid proper because I got a job that University graduates are supposed to get. So if you were a person who watches Oprah you might say things are coming together nicely. I suspected a large paradigm shift, a mass movement of my subconscious. And, although I would say I experience the world though a slightly different tint the previous tint would be described as scum brown, the new one…scum light brown. I’m pretty much the same fucking guy, baaahahahaha. I was reading some of my old posts and realized I still hold many of the same sentiments from 2006. Homeless people still confuse and inspire me, black history month is still a perturbed farce and babies still need to smarten up, although when I have my child I may lighten up on that point a bit. So what does this mean for my faithful 12 readers? I am actually less busy than I was four months ago. I expect to start writing again, but not in the same role as I once had. Kid Vincent now owns Contemporary Mix of Genius. He has been given all owner and admin rights and I’m pretty excited because he has more friends than I do, so more people will start reading the blog. I will still write, but only as contributor. Rusi has only ever written when he channels the spirit of Nunavut Polar Bears, so that’s what is up with him. Jamesforlife is not allowed to write anymore, so if he tries there will be repercussions. So Vincent has full creative discretion he can change the default colours if he wanted to, if I don’t like it, tough for me I guess and maybe I just won’t contribute or something. I asked my wife what she thinks of Vincent taking over and she said no. “He’s just a Kid who wants to be the king.” Hilarious. I think my flickr account got disabled or something because I haven’t used it in so long, now we have no banners…he’s going to have to figure that shit out. Okay so all the administration stuff is out of the way. My next post will probably be about how I scammed my way into homeless territory and stole the Riders bike.

Update: Got the banners back