Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I Aint Ever Scared


Douchebags, scumbags, bums and the more illusive bumbags e.i. bummiest bagiticus.

What does it all mean? Who are these people and why can't we kill em all dead?

DOUCHBAGS:
Easily the most distinguishable from the species of ne'er-do-wells. Their physical features are on par with the idea of the alpha male. Unfortunately these same looks create a side effect of arrogance and a sense of entitlement. A douchebag's biggest problem is that he/she believes their actions are meaningful and must be noted and recognized while ignoring all other actions. Often a douchebag is confused with an asshole because they look and sound similar. The difference between the two is an asshole get's a lot of sex and a douchebag is too horrendous to consider a palpable mate

Physical Attributes
-Polo popped collar
-sunglasses
-into some sort of extreme sport

Habitat
-all ages bars
-manager's office

Call
The douchebag's call is a mixture of swearing and salacious comments to the opposite sex

SCUMBAGS:
Probably the realist people in the world. The scumbag's life is simple; self satisfaction is everything. Unlike the douchebag who ignores those around him because of some sort of mental block the scumbag lives among others but does not care for them. Psychologists would describe the scumbag as the modern man not familiar with the concept of a past or future and ultimately living in the present. A scumbag is interested in the primitive pleasures that is; food, sex, and entertainment and he/she will satisfy these pleasures at the cost of "moral considerability." That is not to say the scumbag does not follow some sort of moral code. There are many papers on the philosophy of scumbags some say it originates from a Nietzsche perspective. Since the ultimate answer to life is unattainable all our actions to describe what the truth is must be fake. To avoid this fakeness a scumbag will act on nothing other than instinct.

Physical Attributes
-N/A a scumbag is an abstract it is more of an idea than an identity

Habitat
-N/A a scumbag could be anyone at anytime in any place

Call
-A distinct raspy and mocking laugh that serves as a demoralizing tool for the victims of a scumbag. This is the only true way to identify whether someone is following the scumbag code.


BUMS:
Are people forced into being scumbags through financial failure. It is important to separate bums from scumbags because one must realize if given a choice a bum will most definitely not want to be a scumbag.

N.B. some have argued that if finances defines a bum then a douchebag or scumbag could commit financial failure to become a bum. This, however, is impossible because a scumbag or douchebag loosing money is obviously due to the fact that they are scumbags or douchebags in the first place.

BUMBAGS:
A hybrid of bum and scumbag. There is not to much information on what a bumbag is but there are theories as to where a bumbag comes from. Some feel a bum bag is first a bum who uses a scumbag mentality to rise above financial failure. Having said that, there are scumbags who feint financial troubles in order to be considered a bum and thus receive undue sympathy. Researchers believe the scumbag money fake out is the true bumbag and the bum who makes money has not realized they are no longer a bum.

WHY CANT WE KILL EM DEAD?
Using the stance of "land ethics" first introduced by Aldo Leopold I would argue that we cant kill any of these beings because that would disrupt the energy circuit. That is to say life as we know it would not be the same without these beings. Some argue that jerks are pretty much the same as all of these beings and we could just replace the population of douchebags, scumbags and bums with jerks. They go on to say managing a jerk population is easier than dealing with the more dangerous minds of bag-ery. Unfortunately this would change the energy circuit into a new pattern where regular people have an easier life without getting scammed on. Growing innocent and weak our species would inevitability be eaten alive by the Tiger or more realistically the Liger. In conclusion watch ya back hommie....

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